I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
