how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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