look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
