Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
