6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
