the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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