My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
