I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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