Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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