That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
