OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
