Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
