last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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