she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
