you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
