my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I faked an abortion last night.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was CRYING into my vagina
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
