You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
