; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A+ Viking dick
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize