she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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