I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
