would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
