When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize