I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
