my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
