i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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