He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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