did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
