We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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