at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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