so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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