He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
