Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
