moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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