Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
