my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
