you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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