So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
