evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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