so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
