So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
