Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
