how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
