I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize