Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
