he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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