I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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