Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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