so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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