How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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