Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
