I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
