3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
