so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize