SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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