Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
