But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This house was built for laser tag.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
