So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
