No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
