M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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