Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
