I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
