i permit you to call me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
