I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
