Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
