Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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